Very last-minute Halloween crafts to do with the kids and other stuff I probably shouldn’t mention

My, oh, my. It’s almost time for Halloween. Are you ready?

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a nap. I finished sewing my daughters’ witch costumes Saturday and just have a few massive last-minute details to work out like clearing a path through the house so my family can visit. I think I’m going to skip sewing on the scrap patches we cut out to embellish their dresses and I’m just going to let them glue them on with fabric glue. Two years ago this kind of compromise probably would have given me the vapors, but thank goodness I’ve come to realize the wonders of products like Fabri-Tac before I crafted myself into the ground.

I wrote my weekly newspaper column about some easy, low-budget Halloween projects to try with your kids. You can find that here. Please note that I was not swinging for the fences on this one. This is me in tired mom, multi-tasking mode pulling something out of my bag of tricks to entertain my kids on deadline.

I shared some of these super easy ideas including the spooky drinks pictured above on WZZM channel 13 Friday morning. I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to get through that live segment without itching my severely chafed underarms (the second most ridiculous and preventable running injury I’ve inflicted on myself to date), spilling the drinks or taking a giant swig of the expired milk I used as a prop. (Yes, I knew it was expired, but live TV sometimes causes temporary amnesia.)

Sometimes I think I should share a little more about what goes on behind the scenes of my life because the parts I don’t routinely write about or show on TV are so much more interesting than the stuff I publicize. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like my life is a series of wild debacles and misunderstandings and it would really make those crazy, humiliating and sometimes full out painful moments worth it if I could find a way to get some extra mileage out of it all.

While it’s alarming to be able to relate so well to Larry David and feel like I’m trapped in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” most days of the week, I do burn a lot of calories laughing.

The best stories are true, my friends, and so are most of the funniest.

Okay, I have to end this riff and go get the slip covers out of the dryer and put them back on our sad little couch and then try to create an optical illusion of domestic order before company arrives.

Soon I will be making purple punch with an ice cream skull floating in it. I’ll also be whipping up another family favorite: Oreo Freak. Then I will try to carve out some time to burn off the calories from said treats. And when I lace up my shoes, you better believe that I’m going to slather on no less than three containers of a substance designed to prevent additional arm chafing. I’ve been itching like a crazy monkey since Thursday and this can’t happen again. There’s nothing cute about a 35-year-old woman itching her pits on the sidelines of her kid’s soccer game. It’s completely uncivilized.

And if you’re thinking: “TMI, sister!” I completely agree. Some stories are probably best kept under wraps.