Posts Tagged ‘myth of marriage’

The Myth of the Man Who Didn’t Fart

Sunday, December 7th, 2008

I’m sorry if this quilt challenges your sensibilities, but I created it with the support and encouragement of my husband, the man farting in the quilt above.

I was driving him nuts obsessing about what kind of quilt I would make for the “Myths & Legends” theme. I was wavering between depicting “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” and stitching Athena, the goddess of craft. But neither of these ideas really excited me.

Then we had this ridiculous conversation that went something like this:

Jeff: What don’t you do a quilt about my gas?

Me: (laughing) What?! That’s ridiculous.

Jeff: You believed I didn’t have a gas issue. That’s a myth.

Me: Yeah, that’s for sure. Are you okay with me making a quilt about that?

Jeff: Sure.

Me: Then consider it done.

Immediately, I knew what I had to do.

More than 12 years ago I fell in love with Jeff and proceeded to date him for two years before making the toxic discovery that he farts.

I know, I know, we all do. But not like this.

Soon after our summer 1998 wedding, my wonderful husband let his guard down and I started gettingĀ  gased out by noxious fumes. One day, after the air cleared I asked, “What the heck, dude? What’s going on? Did you just develop a post-nuptial condition? Where is all this gas coming from? You never did this before. Seriously, this is unbelievable.”

Jeff confessed to hiding his gas problem from me and explained that he took advantage of every opportunity to fart without me noticing while we were dating. The most common scenario is the one depicted above. While we were dating Jeff would open the car door for me and, once my door was closed, fart all the way around to the driver’s side of the car. This method worked great. He got to relieve pressure and I was left with the stench-free impression that he was a gentleman. Nothing like a marriage to shake out the truth.

I never imagined I would ever stitch a fart quilt, but I guess that’s part of life’s grand adventure – you never know what’s going to happen next.

And just because I’m feeling a bit vulnerable unveiling a quilt about farts, I want to share a short interview I recorded yesterday with Ryan Greaves, a young artist who is making fart art, too. Apparently this is a trend, people. Check it out…